proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
