I want to make a zoo with you.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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