You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
