Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
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I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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