so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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