It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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