Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
