Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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