and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
