Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
