in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
I love having hate sex.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"