last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?