I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?