Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
