i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
