I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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