I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
