Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
That's intense
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
