the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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