So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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