Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woke up backwards on a recliner
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
