Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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