I think my vagina is haunted
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm really busy with my period
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