considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
