I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
