I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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