you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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