well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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