i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
