Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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