12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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