Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
