she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Randomize
