It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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