He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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