just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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