I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
