Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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