Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
