Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
