You made me cry and you don't even care
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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