ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
