I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
