if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
