I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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