she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
