i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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