Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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