also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you inspire me to be a worse person
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂