Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life