Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
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it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
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I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
not ubering you a puppy
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon