You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug