if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
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If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun