If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
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Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
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We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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