She's JV to your varsity
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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