I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.