well I can't set my house on fire every night
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
wow bdsm is so cute
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
