I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
