I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
