just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
