You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
