Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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