she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
