Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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